Parents, can’t live with them, or without them.

parents

Happy Monday everyone! Sorry that I missed yesterday, I actually spent the day drinking by my bestie Alyson’s pool, and went to bed early with a pretty bad sunburn! Ouch!

Anyway, for my blog today I was inspired by a post on Facebook, consisting of the above photo. Many of you know that I get the pleasure of working with my parents on a daily basis. Me being the lovely age of 25 obviously this job is not ideal, however, due to recent events I am actually very lucky to have it! But despite my overwhelming gratitude I am still going to cover many different points about parents in today’s blog.

Before you continue reading I in no way want any of you to think that I am this ungrateful spoiled little brat. I am sure many of you out there feel that if you open up about the things that upset you concerning your parents you will get that same negative feedback and it is just so unnecessary. First of all, not one person on this planet truly understands what another goes through in their home life, even if they have similar parents or siblings and etc. Second, our parents could give us the freaking moon, doesn’t mean they are taking home the parent of the year award. I grew up in a family of four children, two boys two girls, and I am the youngest (again if you’re going to start making assumptions because I am the baby of the family you may as well stop reading because I do not care for close-minded blog followers). My father is an Attorney who has had his own successful law firm for 20+ years, and my mother is, well, we will get into that later. Now I guess you could say we had the typical “white picket fence” childhood. We all played sports that our father coached for and we went on family vacations, we had pets and lived in a big house in Santa Rosa Valley. No complaints there, trust me, I very much enjoyed my life as a child. But as the years progressed my parents began having issues, mainly because my mother developed a drinking problem, which on top of everything else ultimately led to their divorce.

I heard a quote in the movie Imaginary Heroes that said:

One of two things happen when you meet your hero. either they’re an asshole, or they’re just like you, either way you lose”

So this is where things get tricky, you see, we as children, absolutely idolize our parents. I mean besides celebrities and princesses they are really all we have to look up to. So when we see our heroes completely fall apart, our entire image of them begins to change. Not our parents fault, but not entirely our fault either, I mean we are only kids. And instead of doing everything they can to preserve that image, I feel our parents focus more on THEIR emotions and the fact that their relationship is ending, and forget that they have children who literally see EVERYTHING. Again, I do not think this is totally their fault, I am an adult and I have experienced a break up and they really do suck. When someone breaks your heart and your whole world that you have spent so much time building starts to fall apart around you it is really hard to keep it together. I know that when my first serious relationship ended I totally spiraled downward and completely lost everything. I cannot even imagine how hard it would be to try and deal with something like that AND have kids to try and keep it together for. BUT guess what, having kids was YOUR decision, we definitely don’t send a magic messenger down to the earth asking you to please give birth to us. So I feel it is your responsibility to to have to deal with the outcome of your decisions. Of course no human being ever really knows how to truly accept responsibility so we cannot really expect parents to do so just because they are married and have a child. So in these situations what we usually see happen is a vicious cycle of bad mouthing, jealousy, and revenge. The worst part about it is that their favorite pawn to use in this game is what? THE CHILD! Yay! So the kids get mixed up in all of the relationship drama which we have no way of understanding until we get to the age of having OUR first relationship and going through OUR first breakup. It is actually really funny when you think about it right?

So, on one side you have a parent who is not only a parent but also a person just like any other, who deals with the same fucked up shit that we deal with on a daily basis. But on the other, you have a PARENT who is there to guide us and teach us and raise us to be responsible mature adults who make good choices. The biggest problem I find is that parents tend to totally forget what it was like to be a kid. It is like that part of their life is completely erased and they have no desire to even TRY to understand our side of what we are going through. Like, I’m sorry, you expect us to understand that you have bad days and you deal with bullshit too, but when we go through shit it’s like “what the fuck were you thinking I thought I raised you better than this”. Uhhh totally makes perfect sense right? Can all the parents out there just take one second, take a deep breath, and remember that we are doing the best we freaking can? I mean think about the world we live in right now. The economy is shit, there are more drugs, more sex, and more media. We do not live in a world like our parents did and even they didn’t have it all peachy keen.

Look, from the day we are born until the day we turn 18, it is on YOU as parents to determine what kind of adults we will be. From that moment on we basically take what you have done and do our own thing from that. And yeah I know we can be super difficult to deal with especially during our teen years, but guess what, if you’re not ready to handle it then don’t have kids. And if the road up until we turn 18 is a rocky one, then you cannot be surprised that our adult life isn’t exactly up to par. The key thing to do is to look back on things in our lives that may have a factor in who we are now and try to figure out a way to fix it. ESPECIALLY the things that you as parents had a role in. Only then will things start to be resolved.

My relationship with my father has dramatically improved, it is unfortunate that I had to hit rock bottom in order for it to do so, but it doesn’t really matter what causes the betterment. The only thing that matters is that things have changed for the better. He is finally taking responsibilities for mistakes he made as a father which has made it easier for me to take responsibilities for the mistakes I have made. And now even the littlest accomplishments are huge to him because he has seen what I have come from and where I have the potential of going. I am not saying everyone needs to go to an extreme like I did to finally gain the understanding of their parents but that is how it happened for me. I think parents really just need to examine themselves and their behavior and actions instead of always focusing on their children’s, because let’s face it, we don’t turn out the way we do all on our own.

Just give us a break every once in a while, life isn’t easy, we do what we can with the cards we are dealt.

xoxo

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One thought on “Parents, can’t live with them, or without them.

  1. Pingback: Facebook Parenting: the best way to raise kids in a digital age | AndyJDaniels Leadership

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