Don’t just stand there sayin nice things to me…

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Hello everyone! I know it has been like… FOREVER since my last post. I apologize. Who knew life with a new baby kitten would be SO time consuming? Okay maybe I did a little bit, but still, I was hoping I would still find time to do the things I enjoy! I guess that is the harsh reality of parenthood am I right? Hahaha.

Anyways, about today’s post, it isn’t generally inspired or directed toward anyone in particular (which usually my posts are). Basically I have been pondering over the subject of “compliments”  lately and I just felt it was something I had to get off my chest.

I dunno about all of you but nothing makes me feel MORE awkward than a compliment about my looks. Like, what do I even say in return, I mean isn’t it kind of weird to acknowledge the appreciation of your physical appearance with total ease and comfort? Now a compliment in regards to my mind/intelligence/sense of humor that is a whole other story. Because you see I actually worked hard for those things, learning in school and reading books and the sense of humor well I guess that could run in the family but it also takes practice. I did not work for my looks at all, I just ended up this way, through the miracle of genetics (and overcoming that awkward stage, ya you all know the one I’m talking about, thank God that faded out). My point is how unbelievably weird it is to thank someone for something you took no part in. I mean if someone came over to your house and complimented a dinner that your significant other cooked, would you take the compliment and say thank you, or would you allow the one who actually did the work to receive the little boost to their ego? But then again it’s not like when someone says I am pretty I can just respond with “oh, my parents are the one’s who really deserve that, they made me” and then dial them up to hear about what a great job they did in making me so pretty. Thus proving my reaction of complete awkwardness to be the only one that makes any sense.

Moving on from face to face compliments let’s discuss compliments via texting/facebook/twitter/ any social media outlet you use. So I personally find it very amusing the way guys communicate these days. Like let me tell you, the second you text me “hey sexy”, the only response you’re going to get is “no”. I won’t explain myself and I will not text you again after that. Just no. Next, I am not sure why, but I always immediately laugh when I receive a text that also as some reference to my physical appearance. Perhaps it is due to the fact that the person texting me has absolutely NO idea how I look in that exact moment. I mean listen guys, if you text most girls “Hi Gorgeous” and she happens to be having one of those days where she feels she looks terrible, the LAST thing she is going to want to hear is the words “Gorgeous” or “Beautiful”. All that will do is remind them that they happen to look the exact opposite of those two lovely words and they will just feel even worse (crazy I know) it’s not all girls but it is some ESP depending on that time of the month.

If I really really think about this whole topic of discussion though I would have to say that my main issue is the context and situations in which those words are used. The words “Pretty” “Beautiful” “Cute” and etc are all ways to describe a physical appearance, so I feel it better used upon the arrival of the girl you are seeing when you meet up to hang out, when you ACTUALLY see them and the effort they probably put in to get ready for you. That is when the compliment might want to be received, at least by me anyway, because if I get ready for you then technically that is partially my hard work. When it is used as a greeting via text, it makes me feel as though it is said out of habit, due to the unfortunate lack of self esteem of women nowadays. Most girls are constantly demanding reassurance of their looks in attempt to help their insecurities, making guys feel the need to tell a girl she is beautiful or pretty or whatever, even if it’s a new girl who hasn’t implied any desire to hear it.

Before I sign off I leave you with this:

One compliment can affect a whole lifetime. Be bold and speak life-giving words.”

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Push by Matchbox Twenty]

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6 thoughts on “Don’t just stand there sayin nice things to me…

    • I named her Katerina (because I’m a huge Vampire Diaries fan) but I call her Kat for short (because I’m a huge Breakfast at Tiffany’s fan) lol. She dark grey and light grey and hey tummy is like a light beige with some spots. She’s an angel.

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  1. I hope I am not bringing up anything personal by asking this question, but recently my ex of 3 years gave birth to her new baby with her man and I’m a wreck. I know we were never going to be forever, as I was unhappy in the relationship; but I just don’t understand why I feel this way years later. It’s as if this sudden life change in her life brought back all these old feelings. Help! Also would you ever consider writing a post about things you can learn from exes/past relationships or what do you do when these old feelings rehash for no reason at all. I’m just so confused.

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  2. Thank you so much for reading and leaving me your comment. You have no reason to worry about anything you say bringing up my past. My purpose in starting this blog was to try and reach people through my own personal experiences, and if doing so actually helps people, well then it is worth every single memory that I may be reminded of in the process (whether good or bad). I am very sorry for your current state of emotional confusion. There is nothing more frustrating than unexpectedly being hit with a wave of emotions brought on by any sort of event or news involving an ex girlfriend/boyfriend. I understand why you feel confused because of the fact that when you were in that relationship you came to the point where you were no longer happy and seemed confident in your decision to part ways (despite how hard the breakup must have been it appears that you still knew that ending it was the right thing to do). Then years later when you see her starting a family with her new boyfriend this rush of emotion comes over you and sends you through a loop and you “don’t understand why”. Well if I can be honest with you, I think that you do understand why, and you may just not see it right now or your pride may be preventing you from admitting it to yourself. Look, you’re human, it is totally natural to have these feelings take you over given this circumstance. Regardless of how satisfied you have been with being apart for however long, it is only natural that seeing her with someone else AND having a kid would get the wheels turning in your brain, to the point where you may start asking yourself the “what if’s”. I mean what if you had stayed together and worked it out? Would she be having this baby with you right now? Would you two have been happy and started a family and lived happily ever after? Maybe these exact questions didn’t run through your mind but your emotional response may as well be those questions translated from words into the “feeling in the pit of your stomach”. It is easy to not think about your ex and their life when nothing is really going on to catch your attention away from your own life. But when something big in their life happens like marriage or a child then of COURSE you are going to be affected by it no matter how many years have gone by. That is just my opinion obviously. Anyway, I hope this reply helped in some way, I will of course elaborate more on your request in regards to learning from your exes and what to do when the feelings do hit you outta left field. I will end with saying this though: these do not rehash for “no reason” and I think you already know that. If you are feeling a certain way or thinking about a certain person there is always a reason. The reason may not be that you should have stayed with them or breaking up was a mistake, it may be just that the person was a big part of your life and even though you would like to be happy for them, you cannot help but dwell on how sad it makes you feel because perhaps you are still single or you are wanting to find someone to start a family and settle down… I will do my best to write a post on your request by today or tomorrow. Thanks again for reading and hope that you feel better soon!

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  3. Thank you so much, kara. You are a wonderful writer and emotional outlet, I can’t wait to read your next post. And you’re right, I’m sure I do know why these old feelings rehashed, but they can just be so hard to deal with sometimes.

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  4. Oh thank you so much! It really means a lot to me that you feel that way about my writing! And yes emotions and feelings are messy and sometimes it actually feels impossible to deal with them. That is why there are so many people who have walls and barriers built up around themselves, it is so much easier living day to day without those pesky “feelings” controlling every thing you say or do, and you actually think you’re the superior one in relation to those who do feel like they have it better off than you. In my opinion I believe that allowing a past relationship to cause you sadness or pain is only reminding you of something meaningful in your life. For instance, when my dad found my folder filled with all of my ex’s letters (from when we first started dating) Nostalgia took over and I sat and read every single letter. Do you know what I felt after? Not sad or angry, not even jealous that he is with another girl doing things with her he never did with me. By the time I was done all I could think about was how incredibly lucky I am to have experienced being loved. I mean not everyone can say that they have been loved and no matter how bad things ended, no matter that he is with that girl and I am single, none of it matters. It felt really fucking good to be loved and I wouldn’t trade that feeling to get rid of all the horrible feelings in the world. So yeah, feelings and emotions suck and it isn’t fair all the time and you know more often then not they really hurt, but you do not end up with nothing… You got the chance to love someone and have that love returned. So just think of this little emotional turmoil your brain and your heart are having right now, as a way of reminding you that this only hurts because you had something special. That makes you pretty lucky if you ask me. And the next time you get that lucky it’s going to be so much better! Because as I read in my recent new favorite book “I am on a roller coaster that only goes up” -The Fault in Our Stars.

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